This madness must end!

There are two not-so-secret record sales strategies going on right now, and both are gonna kill my vinyl budget. First, there are new releases coming out that include the actual release, and then a version with a few extra songs (Deluxe, or the archaic term “Expanded”), and then a version with a whole bunch of extra recordings (Super Deluxe), and then another one with only X number of copies released (“Limited”). Fans are typically buying these releases long after they’ve already owned the original music for years or even decades. Look at how many “Anniversary” albums are coming out now, because there were so many great albums that came out 40-60 years ago (I feel old) that we’ve now gotta go through the multiple 40th, 45th, and 50th anniversary releases. I expect this phenomenon to continue for at least another 10 years or so. Maybe more. Maybe it’s a cycle now, the proverbial hamster wheel, where we are perpetually in “anniversary release mode,” year after year after year. For all of eternity.

So, anyway, after I finally decide which of these to purchase (assuming I am fooling myself into thinking I will buy only one of them), I’ve then gotta figure out which colored vinyl versions I am gonna buy. Yeah, colored vinyl. Fuck that black vinyl! I need colors! And not just red or orange or green; we are talking swirled, spotted, “blood splattered,” you name it…it’s a design on a vinyl record now. And let’s just admit it, I’m gonna buy at least one of these. And Heaven Forbid I see an ad for this new ultra-hip version of the vinyl record: liquid-filled. Yeah, that’s right, I’ve gotta make all these buying decisions, and then I’ve gotta sit here and rationalize how I can buy a disc full of some gooey liquid and still have any self-respect. Or at least figure out how to get it into the house without anyone seeing me. Don’t even get me started on zoetrope.

[The black vinyl, not to be left behind, is considered a “classic” look now, so after you buy all the colors, you’ve then gotta circle back and get the “classic” version. “Look, my vinyl is black, I am old school.”

Oh, and the “remastered” versions? Silly. Ninety-nine out of a hundred fans can’t tell the difference between the original and the remaster, so why even throw the word “remastered” into the mix? Yeah, I know.

Finally, being fully inclusive here, let’s not forget the “remix.” Ah, yes, our old friend, the “remix.”

What happened? Where did all this start?

I don’t wanna name names, but there is one particular pop star who releases about 50 different versions of each of her albums, plus variations of the singles, plus themed releases (huh?), plus a whole slew of releases with parenthetical titles like “(Moonbeam Version),” or “(Spaghetti Sauce Version),” or whatever. Don’t say her name, but we all know who I’m talking about.

So is this a good thing, or is it a naked cash grab? Can it be both? I read an article recently where the subject of colored vinyl was briefly discussed, and the speaker said what I have believed since Day One: so many of these album and single variants are released because the artists and record companies know we will buy them. It’s that simple. And, yeah, I am guilty of this just like everyone else, and the worst part is that I know I shouldn’t buy these things, but I can’t help myself.

Here is what has happened with the KISS “Destroyer” part of my vinyl collection in recent years:

That’s the original album, the “Resurrected” version, two copies of the 45th anniversary release, plus three copies of the 50th anniversary, one of these being the ultra-hip liquid vinyl version. Because I have GOT to have “Destroyer” filled with liquid! And of course I have “Destroyer” on CD. Hang on, let me go check if I have any non-standard versions on CD.

Why do I need all these? Has Gene Simmons brainwashed me?

No, he hasn’t. This is something seemingly all artists/bands are doing these days, and I would love to hear an explanation that doesn’t lean towards the fans just being a bunch of suckers.

But, wait. The old stand-by defense comes to mind: They aren’t making us buy these albums, are they? They are simply making them available, “offering” them, and it is up to us as intelligent and responsible music consumers to decide what we buy and do not buy. Right?

Nonsense! We are not intelligent and responsible music consumers., and they know it. We will buy this stuff because we want it, and they know we want it. Does this mean the pusher is happy, and the junkie is happy, and thus they symbiotically co-exist? I think so.

The funny part is that most of these vinyl releases will never escape the shrink-wrap. We don’t buy these record to play them, we buy them to “have” them.

And let’s not forget I just bought the CD and vinyl versions of “KISS Destroys Anaheim ’76,” and the new “Rock and Roll Over” anniversary releases are waiting for me at the online KISS shop. I am going there now.

P.S. Picture discs!